Zanna Do

Miscarriage

2009-10-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it does help to just talk about it, because, as a mother, you never forget the baby you didn't get to bring home.

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-10-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched a sunrise? It always catches me by surprise when that first peak of new light pops over the horizon.

After several months of dark days, emotional upheaval, and physical challenges it seems the light is finally dawning. I still have two more weeks of recovery left, but I think my heart is beginning to heal. Its hard to trade something happy and exciting (like a pregnancy) for something painful and scary (like a surgery). But I survived, and, though it's taken some time, I'm starting to feel like myself again.

I can't be depressed anymore- there are too many things to be thankful for:

1. A God who shows me infinite grace and mercy when I don't deserve it (its like he loves me or something).

2.A husband who loves me enough to help me out of bed in the middle of the night so I can go to the bathroom (I can get out of bed by myself now. Hallelujah!).

3. An adorable daughter who amazes me with her ever expanding vocabulary ("Read! Read! Car! Car! Car! Cow? Cow? Cow? Kitty! Kitty? Kitty!").

4.Friends and family who have brought us meals and sent us cards and offered a helping hand and a listening ear.

5.An excellent pathology report (no cancer here).

6. One ovary that still works.

My only regret is that my scar is located in an area where I can't show random people my battle wounds (except for my husband, my doctor, some nurses, and my mother, no one else has seen it). I guess I shall have to console myself with telling everyone I meet, "Did you know I have only one ovary?"

Don't you think that's a great conversation starter? No? Why not?

The Valley Below

2009-09-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

Its been a long two months. We found out I was pregnant near the end of July. We were very excited, since we had only just started trying. About a week after that I had some spotting and so we began to be concerned. During that time my mother-in-law had a heart attack and open heart surgery. We had our hands full so the pregnancy was not as much on our minds.

About a week ago we found out for sure that we had miscarried. Along with that they discovered a dermoid cyst on my left ovary that was about the size of an orange. I had a D and C on Wednesday of last week, but the surgery for the removal of the cyst won't be scheduled till after my follow-up visit with the OB/GYN. Because of the size of the cyst it will be a regular open surgery, not a laparascopy. And they may have to remove my ovary as well.

Its hard not to think of all the possibilities as I wait to have the surgery. I'm not looking forward to the recovery either. I haven't blogged in awhile because I didn't know what to write (not that I have many readers anyway). But those of you who do read can pray for me and my family. Right now thats all we really need.

The Fourth - for Beth

2009-07-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

We ate lots of pie with cool whip! We fended off the wandering hordes of bubbles.

We enjoyed a magnificent feast with a marvelous view.

We had our own private fireworks display on the patio. It doesn't get much better than this. Along with the bloodthirsty mosquitos, diving bats, and swarming gnats it was the epitome of a fun summer afternoon. Happy Belated Fourth of July, everyone!

Tea for Two

2009-05-27T11:09:00.001-07:00

Its naptime. The house is quiet except for the tap, tap of the keyboard. So far I've done a little of this and a little of that. I ate. Finally. I put away clothes and shoes. I organized the closet in the office a little. I even put on makeup and pulled my hair out of my face.

I did a little reading online and chatted with friends on facebook. Obviously, this list is getting mundane, so I'll tell you the real reason I'm writing this post.

CiCi and I had tea this morning. I sat down at her little table next to the window and we took turns sipping imaginary tea from her teensy purple cups. We made loud slurping noises and while I pretend nibbled on tea cakes, she threw the tray on the floor and stole my cup. It was one of those moments that make the whole day worth it.

We only get a short time with our children. For some its shorter than others. I want to enjoy each tiny moment I have with my daughter. I want to stare at her curls, her rosy cheeks, her toothy smile and remember them always. I want to hold her close and watch her sleep. And though I enjoy the quiet during naptime, I also dread it because it reminds me of what life would be like without her.

Much too quiet.

A Day in the Life...

2009-05-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Of Screamy McWhinerton. I mean CiCi.

Sorry that first part was a slip of the keyboard. Really. We've had a lovely day together. We did a little of this, a little of that. Well, here. Let me show you.

We enjoyed carrying our stuffed toys up and down the hall.
We also enjoyed helping mommy around the house while clinging to her leg.

We only read this book a FEW times today.

Mommy even found a cocoon in the garden and we're going to document its transformation.

Purely for Mommy's enjoyment, because SOMEBODY doesn't give a flip, though the caterpillar on the patio today did incite some interest.

We decided to do a photo shoot. We all SMILED.

We went for a walk.
CiCi was very HAPPY.

DISCLAIMER: Those are NOT my real thighs. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. But I thought it was a neat picture anyway.

The Importance of Being Mama

2009-05-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

Its difficult to understand motherhood until you've experienced it. I've only been a mother for a little over a year, but I'm positive that my appreciation for my own mother has grown by leaps and bounds during that short time. I recognize the importance of being mama.

In this day and age success is measured by education and careers. It seems that motherhood in and of itself is not enough to gain the respect or acknowledgement of the outside world. We even look down on those who choose motherhood over career. We consider an education to be a waste of time for those people. Why did they even go to college if all they're going to do is stay home and raise children?

My own mother never went to college. She has a GED in place of a regular high school diploma. The closest thing she ever had to a career was a job as a bank teller. When my brother and I graduated from high school (we were home schooled through all four years) people used to act as though she hadn't had a life until that point. Motherhood was apparently not a significant enough job.

My mom teaches piano now. She's always been a talented pianist, playing for churches and weddings for years. I have no doubt she could have been a concert pianist if she had wanted that. She, in her modest fashion, can't acknowledge her own talent, but she raised two incredibly intelligent kids (brag,brag). I'm sure she could have been anything she wanted.

What she wanted was to be my mother.

It doesn't matter how the world measures her success, or what she does with her life from now on. She chose to give a significant portion of her time, her heart, and her life to someone who was not always grateful or understanding. I know how tiring and stressful it is to stay home day in and day out with a little one. There aren't any "thank yous." Its just plain hard work. But its the most important work any woman can do. I'm following in the footsteps of a special lady. I just hope I can succeed as well as she has.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you for being there. Thank you for all the times I didn't say thank you.

Happy Mother's Day!

The List

2009-04-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

Our plans this summer include:
Maintaining The Lawn

Journaling

Splashing

Relaxing

Duck Throwing

Bird Watching

And last but not least-

Being Adorable

Spring Swing

2009-04-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

We've gone from this:

A lovely spring day this past Saturday
To This-

A cold, windy Tuesday filled with snowflakes and even some accumulation. Oh, the fickle joys of mountain living. Though when its spring I prefer it to stay spring. Thank you very much.

Moved (Sort Of)

2009-04-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

We're finally in our house. FINALLY! It's been a long journey, but its nice to be home. We still have a lot of work ahead of us. The kitchen cabinets, though painted, still require another coat, hardware, and trim to complete them. I'm in the midst of sewing curtains for CiCi's room, and searching for a bookshelf that I can paint to match her adorable dresser/changing table. I make a little progress everyday, and I promise there will be pictures one of these days.

I guess the one thing that made this house officially home was the return of the cats. They stayed at my parents for the first week we were here because of the chaos of the move. Now that they're here they're wreaking their own brand of chaos. They broke a special figurine of mine the other day(No guesses who that was, WAFFLE), managed to wriggle their way into the bathroom cabinets to sleep on the clean towels (Brissay, I'm lookin' at you), and they woke CiCi from her blessed nap time a half hour early because SOMEBODY HAD TO SLEEP under her crib (I hate you with a passion, Gizzy). Other than that its been an absolute joy to have them here (please ignore hint of sarcasm).

We have enjoyed our new neighborhood also. The yard is thrilling. I mean we can walk outside and THERE IS A YARD OUT THERE, not just a steep driveway and bushes filled with bloodthirsty insects. We can also walk down to Dillsboro via a little pathway and enjoy the quaint village filled with ducks and little shops. Our only bad experience occurred early yesterday morning when we were awakened by a loud pounding on the door- or rather my husband was. Somehow I missed it. When he finally realized he wasn't dreaming and heard CiCi crying in her room, he got up and went to the door. A sheriff's officer was there to check out a call made by an intoxicated man claiming to be the last owner's husband, saying she had fallen in the river. He needed to confirm that we were the current residents and not her. Now, of course, I'm a tiny bit paranoid about a drunken man showing up at our door. But I shouldn't worry. We can just sic the cats on him. He'd be gone after two seconds with them.

Closed

2009-03-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

As of Wednesday, we are the official owners of a house- a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home, no less. I was surprised to find a home that size in our price range. The mountains are fraught with large homes, all excessively expensive. Of course, our journey with this home has been a difficult one at best.

First, we were elated that our offer on the home, considerably less than what the buyer was asking for, was accepted. Then we were dismayed that the house had apparent structural problems that the buyer would not fix. Next we were happy to learn the buyer was willing to make repairs. After that we were glad to discover that the house was in sound condition after said repairs.

Then we were annoyed that the closing date was moved due to some technicalities concerning the termite report. After which we were happy to again have a solid closing date until our lawyer had to go out of town for a trial, and the closing date was moved again. It was, we hoped, for the last time, till we found out that the paralegal had waited till the last minute to file certain paperwork. But we made it to the lawyer's office to sign the paperwork anyway.

After we signed a gazillion documents, some stating that we would sign more documents if necessary, and others joyfully proclaiming that we would go to prison if we lied on said documents, we were told that we would be homeowners as soon as the wire transfer came through from the bank. Fast forward to the next day when we received a call from our lawyer saying, "I don't know how to tell you this, but..."

The bank had not sent the wire, claiming that the lending service we were using had reached its lending limit. Huh? After 24 hours of sweating and praying, we learned that the wire had finally come through. The bank had made a mistake. Ya think? We now have the keys to our home, and we can begin to make it our own. It may not be the prettiest house on the block, or the newest, but it's ours, and that's all that matters.

I can't wait to post some before and after pictures for you (there will be lots). Maybe by next week I'll have some. We plan on painting the kitchen cabinets, and installing new hardware. We'll also be painting CiCi's room before we move in. Other projects we have planned for later (some of which will cost more money than we have right now)- removing the outside doors in the master bedroom (yeah, I know...WHY?), redoing master bedroom closet and bathroom, replacing fixtures in hall bathroom, replacing kitchen appliances, removing partitioning walls in living room/kitchen, replacing flooring in main living space, carpeting master bedroom, and improving curb appeal (covers more than I think I can list).

At least we passed the biggest hurdle- making this house ours.

To Da Zoo!

2009-03-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday we embarked on the excursion of a lifetime- CiCi's first trip to the zoo! It was warm and sunny at the Greenville Zoo when we arrived, but we weren't fooled by appearances. This was a journey fraught with danger. Hundreds of tiny human beings bounding through the crowds threatened to send us careening off the safely pathed paths into the sharp, twisted limbs of holly bushes.

We fought desperately to reach the animal enclosures to view UP CLOSE the branches of trees hanging nearby. We were stunned at the sight of mammals whose necks closely resemble the bed posts we see everyday. We nearly suffocated in the heat of the reptile building while viewing other children. Somehow, despite the odds, we made out alive.

This is the evidence of our great adventure-

Whine and Cheese

2009-03-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

True talent exists even in 12 month-olds. Like the ability to whine at just the right pitch. You see if you hit the right tone it makes one's head reverberate. I'm positive it's the exact sensation you might feel before your head exploded. Apparently, a 1 year old must whine about everything. I can't wait for actual words to be apart of CiCi's vocabulary, though I'm sure that comes with some, um, quid pro quos.

Speaking of whine, can we please stop cutting the cheese at inconvenient moments? Church, for instance, is not a good place to let one loose. And saying uh oh does not make it better. It just makes everyone laugh. During prayer time. Burps should also be off limits. Especially when they're pointed directly at my face. How does a baby always manage that. I tell you it's got to be talent.

Finally! A Slideshow...

2009-03-01T17:04:00.000-08:00

To CiCi At One Year

2009-02-26T11:23:00.000-08:00

The day you were born my world changed forever. I had never known a love for another person like the love I felt for you. I couldn’t imagine that love growing deeper and yet it has. This past year has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. I’ve watched your personality begin to blossom. I’ve seen you learn and grow day by day. Everything is brand new and exciting in your eyes. And though I feel sad sometime that you’re not the tiny baby you were when I first held you in my arms, I am excited to see you grow and change in the years to come.

I want to be there for you every step of the journey. You have a sweet spirit, and you’re smart as a whip (just like your daddy, but don’t tell him). You’re as mischievous as your mother (don’t worry she already knows) and you’re as stubborn as both your parents put together (this could make things interesting). You make me stop and enjoy each moment of our time together. You make me smile when I feel like frowning, you make me laugh when I feel like crying, and you make each day more exciting than the next.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I can’t wait to find out. You have made your daddy and I better people- more responsible, more patient, more childlike. We see the world through your eyes and delight in the innocence you lend to everyday moments. You try our patience at times (a little less whining would be nice, and no more spitting food at me when I’m not looking), you test our attention span (I think a few bumps and bruises aren’t bad, you haven’t fallen off the bed or dived out of your high chair), and you bring out the silly in us (all those weird noises you’ve picked up over the past year, we’ll blame those on your dad).

No matter how many time I’ve gotten food in my eye or spit up on my clothes I’ll cherish this past year for the rest of my life. You’ll grow up, but in my heart you’ll always be my baby girl. I’ll see you crawling down the hall laughing while your MeMaw chases after you, I’ll see you digging fistfuls of icing from your birthday cake, I’ll see you sleeping on my chest with the cat curled up beside you, and I’ll see you smiling with a flower tucked behind your ear.

Sometimes I wish I could pause time. These moments keep whizzing by and I know soon you’ll be heading off to college or starting a family of your own with someone special. I pray that no matter what you do or where you go you will trust God in everything. I pray you’ll know his grace. I pray your beautiful smile will be lit with his love. You’re more special to me and your daddy than you’ll ever know little one, and you always will be. Happy Birthday!

Valentine's

2009-02-14T20:17:00.001-08:00

Counting Down

2009-02-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

Despite all the hoopla involving our possible purchase of a home in Dillsboro (another post entirely), I have had one thing on my mind lately- CiCi's impending birthday. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's been almost a year since she was born. It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital holding my tiny bundle and wondering if I had lost my mind nine months before. I was in awe of this little person and the huge, nay, ginormous burden of raising her to be a godly young woman. I am still in awe of her- how much she's grown, how much her personality has developed, how mobile she is (Lord help us).

It's difficult to imagine myself as a mom, especially the mom of an impending toddler, but when someone mentions mama and CiCi points at me accusingly, I am reminded that I am no longer just Susanna. She frustrates me sometimes (she tried to delete my entire post moments ago), but delights me most of the time. I can only imagine the joys the coming year will provide. I plan on writing her a letter on her birthday. Perhaps I will post it here so you can all cry and reminisce with me. I also plan on creating a 1 year slideshow which I will definitely post here. Stay tuned- it'll be a sappyfest of epic proportions.

I leave you with this:

She scores a 100 on the cuteness-O-meter.

I Think Someone Wrote A Song About It

2009-01-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sure a song exists for every emotion known to man. Disappointment is a human emotion and I'm sure some country crooner crooned about the loss of a house because of rotting floor joists. Probably after his wife left him, his dog died and his truck got repossessed. Such is the world of home buying. You win some, you lose a lot, and you keep moving forward.
You may have guessed by now that we probably won't be getting our almost home. The inspector found a lot of problems. Not least of which is the floor joists with severe water damage. That would cost big bucks to fix. Money we don't have. And the sellers opted out of doing any repairs in the contract.
Now its moving on time I suppose. Time to stop decorating the living room in my head, or gazing at paint chips longingly. Our time will come I know. God keeps turning us in new directions. His plans are always better than our own, and disappointment will create new opportunities. And as soon as I get my face out of this pint of ice cream I'll be able to see those opportunities with a little more clarity.

Why I Love Our New (Almost) Home

2009-01-26T12:57:00.001-08:00

A List by Susanna Hearn

1. We'll have plenty of before and after pictures. Take for instance the "front" of the house. Kind of boring and mismatched now, but with new shutters, an arbor, a well-placed window box, a cute front door that doesn't open into the laundry room (don't know, so don't ask) and new vinyl siding it could be like a picture from a magazine (or not, but one can dream).

2. We have a great view of the river and a yoga studio from the front yard, so I'll have a constant reminder that I need to exercise. I don't think I'll take classes there. I wouldn't have any excuse not to go.

3. We have a lovely view of Dillsboro from the FENCED-IN BACKYARD! Need I say more?

4. We have a rotting, decrepit garage/workshop filled with graffiti, empty cans, and a rusty telescope (perhaps for better viewing of the yoga studio), which we can disassemble with sledge hammers and other manly tools.

5. Once again: WE HAVE A FENCED-IN BACKYARD! And also a patio, whose stairs serve as a human death trap, or a convenient place to break a leg. Look alive, people!

The End

Can I Trade You Three Cats for a Dog?

2009-01-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

I know I've been a slacker on the posting front of late. I won't waste time with excuses, but maybe I can make up for it with a brief summary of the past few months. Here goes- we moved out of our one bedroom cabin and into my parents home in early December. Most of our things are in storage, including our Christmas decorations which I had to remove after having them up only a week *weeping.*
We were looking at houses in Franklin at the time, made an offer on a house that was countered and decided not to counter in return. We then began looking at homes in Sylva, made an offer on a 3 bedroom ranch in Dillsboro which was accepted without counter. The exciting part is our offer was $24,000 less than the asking price, and well within our affordability range. Hopefully, we'll be closing on the house by January 30th. God be praised! (because it's not easy moving back home with a husband, a baby, and five cats).
Speaking of cats I saw a REALLY CUTE puppy dog over the weekend and I was wondering if anybody was in need of three adorable cats, so I can have a doggy. I mean they're no trouble at all, just hairy, pukey, rambunctious, violent, and annoying. I'm sure someone could put them to good use as dog food or fur coats (I jest, of course). I do want a cute doggie, though. We're going to have a lovely, FLAT, fenced in backyard, and wouldn't a sweet, non-feline pup just complete our idyllic family picture. I think my husband would let me, except I can't picture taking care of five cats and a dog. Oh well, maybe some of the cats will get lost in the move. I can accidentally pack them in the box we're shipping to Timbuktu. The box with no return address, and a few air holes poked in it. I guess the yowling at the post office would probably give me away. I'll post pictures of the house soon, so keep on checking back.

It's Just Not Me

2008-09-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

The other day I was clicking through some other mom blogs just for the fun of it. I couldn't help but be shamed by the crafty, organized mothers out there who make their own cloth diapers while wrangling, you know, twenty small children. I, to say the least, am not that organized. Sometimes, when I see something misshapen and green crawling out of the refrigerator, I wonder if I will ever be able to catch up on my daily household chores. The ones where I actually wash the dishes instead of watching them slowly solidify into a crusty mound in the sink. Good thing my hubby does dishes (God bless him)!

It's shameful because I only have one child, who is most definitely not high-maintenance. In fact, she can entertain herself quite well when the need arises. It's just that I have a hopeless aversion to dish washing, toilet bowl scrubbing and vacuuming. I do them (every blue moon or so); I just don't like to. Same goes for being all crafty and making my own baby clothes or hand carving my daughter's crib from a tree cut out of our own backyard. It's just not me.

Lest you think that I am the laziest person that ever walked the planet, I do enjoy scrapbooking and recording my daughter's milestones in a handy little book my mom gave me. Which reminds me I need to write about her seven month milestones before she hits eight months. Could get confusing after that. One day my daughter will be able to look back and say, "My mama may have let the dishes pile up and the toilet turn green, but she didn't forget when my first tooth came in, or what day I was born on!"

First and only page of CiCi's scrapbook. It takes awhile for ideas to germinate. In this case 3 or 4 months.

Incredibly, adorable baby blankie made by my MIL for CiCi. I love her and hate her at the same time. Note the rings attached to the ribbons around the edge of the blanket. Too cute! And CiCi loves it!

The Great Naptime Conundrum

2008-09-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

To nap, or not to nap? That is the baby's question. The mommy's question is: to take Excedrin Migraine, or to take Extra Strength Advil? Once upon a time, in a happy animated land far away, the baby went down for a nap and slept like a little angel. Now our naptime routine goes something like this:

Baby begins rubbing eyes and whining. Generally, a miss crabby pants.

Mommy determines that Baby is ready for nap. Mommy puts crabby pants, I mean Baby, in crib and tucks in with sweet kisses.

Mommy leaves room. Advanced screaming begins. Mommy waits. Advanced screaming continues. Mommy returns to retuck Baby and display peace offering (see Pacifier).

Mommy leaves room. Baby opens Gates of Hell. Mommy waits. Baby sobs (see pathetic).

Baby becomes quiet. Mommy sighs with relief. Ten minutes pass in somber rejoicing.

Baby unleashes the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Mommy waits. Baby continues after short lull for pathetic sobbing. Mommy ponders "Scene of Mommy Warrior Returning to Rescue Baby from Terrible Naptime Horror"

Doors begin to rattle. Mommy gives up because Excedrin has worn off and Baby is apopleptic (may burst blood vessel if allowed to continue). Upon seeing Mommy, Baby appears like innocent, non-verbally abusive infant.

Mommy pops more Excedrin.

Lil' Orphant Emory

2008-06-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

We have five cats. This may not seem like a big deal, but up until Saturday evening we only had four. And we were definitely not planning on having anymore. I mean we have a baby and a one bedroom house. Four cats are too many as it is! Never mind all that though, because we have five cats.

I will never again suggest to my husband that we go driving around town for the fun of it. It only leads to trouble I tell you. Trouble and five cats! How can one see a tiny kitten in the middle of the road and not stop? You can't see any houses in sight and the kitten is as scrawny and bedraggled as they come. You just stop in the middle of the road, get out of the car, and take that kitten home with you. Then you spend two days (make that three days) giving that kitten bath after bath with baby shampoo and a flea comb so you can pick off the one trillion fleas that are crawling all over it. You also have to schedule an appointment with the vet because the kitten has worms and ear mites. A walking parasitic infection is what it is.

Now she is family and we've named her already. She lives in our bathroom. Our one and only bathroom, which I miss having all to myself. Oh, well. We're looking for a bigger place anyway. We'll just have to factor in space for two adults, one baby, and FIVE CATS. Welcome to the family little Emory.

Messes, Milestones, and Mud Wrestling

2008-06-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

CiCi is three months old. It seems like just yesterday she was the size of a peanut in my belly and making me nauseous all day long. Now she's relatively the size of one of my cats and talking gibberish to her red Lamaze elephant. How time has flown. Though I still seem to be stuck in a rut. I wear either a pair of very tattered jogging pants everyday, or, if I want to look nominally human, a pair of hated maternity pants. It's not that I can't wear my prepregnancy jeans, it's just that they're too tight on the belly to be comfortable right now. Maybe soon, I'll be dancing around a bonfire in the backyard whilst tossing maternity pants into the flames with abandon. Sounds like a plan for the Fourth of July!

The house is also in a rut as it has not seen the right end of a vacuum cleaner, dust rag, or broom for quite some time. When I have free time I'm often thinking of either taking a nap, taking a chunk out of the endless mound of laundry or eating some breakfast, which is actually lunch, because I don't get to eat till afternoon. The house is slowly being overrun with furballs. I'm thinking I should start collecting them and making sweaters for the winter. If I don't soon, CiCi will be old enough to start collecting them, and I don't think you can give hairball medication to a baby.

During some of my free time, spent not cleaning my house I've been reading the occasional parenting blog. It's fun to read about the trials and tribulations of other parents. The only problem I find is that parents, mothers in particular, are very competitive. There's the breastfeeding v. bottle feeding argument, the spanking v. time-out argument, and the homeschooling v. public schooling argument. To name a very few. I'm sure this will become a reality TV show soon. I picture women in their late twenties to mid-thirties wearing bikinis and aprons throwing themselves at each other in a giant mud pit while screaming, "I breastfed little Johnny for three years!" and "I never raise my voice at my children even when I'm menstruating!" I'm sure it would be a popular show and get a wide viewing audience what with the mud wrestling and bikinis. Maybe I should pitch it to a major network...

Baby Smells

2008-05-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

Ahh, morning... the twitter of birds, sunlight drifting through the windows, the scent of poopy wafting on a gentle breeze and coming from the general direction of my soft, sweet baby girl. This is no ordinary poopy smell, either. This poopy is both stinky and slimy and sticky and monstrous. You see at some point in a baby's life they begin to create what I like to call toxic waste. Not all the time mind you, but in CiCi's case about once a day, usually in the morning between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. Talk about an eye opener...

Of course, changing said diapers is much easier now that CiCi smiles and coos the entire time instead of curling the paint with blood-curdling screams as soon as air touches her bare behind. This makes the whole experience more pleasant, despite the contents of the diaper or my state of mind at the time. Of course, poopy odors do not constitute the entirety of baby aromas. Sour milk burps, wee smelly farts, and milky spit ups also occur on a regular basis.

But, without a doubt, my favorite baby smell is the one that magically lingers on CiCi's skin no matter what. That baby smell that one can't quite describe. Maybe it's the baby shampoo or maybe it's just her natural aroma, but it is soooo delicious! I sometimes just have to sit and drink it up while she is in my arms. I know one day it will be replaced by an older kid smell. I don't know what that smell will be, but I can't imagine it being as sweet as the one she has now.

My First Mother's Day and Other New Mom Stuff

2008-05-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

My mom and CiCi.

MIL and CiCi.

My husband must be trying to spoil me, because he showered me with gifts on Mother's Day. We went to a lovely restaurant in Highlands with my parents and my MIL. CiCi was with us too, of course. The food was great. The cards and gifts were wonderful, but, to tell you the truth, I still don't feel like a mom sometimes. I mean, all the signs of motherhood are there. You know, the flabby abs, the dark circles under my eyes, the few extra pounds of baby weight (OK, maybe more than a few). But motherhood still feels a little surreal. It could be the sleep deprivation that causes this. I look at pictures of CiCi's birth and think, "Wow! Who is that big, puffy woman with that tiny baby?"

Don't get me wrong, I love being CiCi's mommy. No doubt about it. It's just getting used to this new me. After CiCi was born the fluctuating hormones sometimes made it hard to cope with the physical and personal changes in my life. And the "encouragement" I received from random strangers and medical personnel didn't exactly help. At my six week postpartum appointment I attempted to address my weight loss concerns with my doctor, whom I actually really like. Most of the time. She said, "If you were breastfeeding I would tell that you'll lose the weight, no problem. But I don't know. Your hair, however, will fall out at six months no matter what." Gee, thanks. At least I have something to look forward to. Oh and thanks for the added guilt trip about breastfeeding. I really needed that.

The next day hubby and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood with CiCi, and we bumped into a neighbor lady. She struck up a conversation with us, and, turning to me with a meaningful look, she said,"You know I'm the Mary Kay representative for the neighborhood and we're having a meeting on Saturday. We're doing makeovers." I could feel a full blown case of postpartum psychosis coming on. I envisioned giving her a makeover with a hammer and a chainsaw.

Despite those incidents ( and a few others) I am recovering my dignity. The pounds are coming off (Ha, Dr. Potter!), and I do wear makeup when I'm not taking casual strolls around the neighborhood (Ha, Mary Kay lady!). Perhaps next Mother's Day I will be able to look in the mirror and say,"I know that lady. She's C.R.'s wife, Cici's mom, and myself. Hang, Mary Kay!"

Pictures for the Pictureless

2008-05-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

The following are some pictures from our first few months with CiCi. I will post some more recent pictures soon. Enjoy!

Waiting in the hospital for the big moment!

Sleeping like a baby...

A daddy's girl if I ever saw one.

Squeaky clean!

Whew! Playing is hard work!

My Life As Mommy

2008-05-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

I started thinking about how much my life has changed in the past few months and realized I needed to give all my friends and family a heads up on mommyhood. I know some of you may be experiencing it in the future and you may find my mishaps and milestones inspiring. Actually you'll probably find them more amusing than inspiring. Or you might be only slightly scintillated, but at least you'll know what's going on.

My little CiCi is only two months old, but it feels like I've had her for a lifetime. This week she discovered her hands and feet. She also discovered that she likes having her Mommy hang over her crib when she goes to bed at night. She is really good at keeping one eye open to assure that I don't leave before she falls asleep.

She gets craftier by the day. She proffers her most beautiful smiles right before bedtime. I think she knows it works better than screaming at the top of her lungs. That's generally when I get on the internet to see if they auction off babies on Ebay. Even in those dark hours I am astounded by the fact that I am her mother and she is my child. God's blessings sometimes come in small, diapered packages that often spit sour milk all over my lap.